I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
