I heard we made out
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
