i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
