i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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