I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
