I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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