He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
