hotel room ftw
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
