It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
