Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
