he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
