Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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