well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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