Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
