That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
