I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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