Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I have feelings that need drinking.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
