That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
