maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
