The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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