You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
