I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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