You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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