just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize