We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
