I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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