i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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