I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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