so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
