I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
