Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
