I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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