She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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