He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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