The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
