so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
My ATM looks so different sober.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
