Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
