If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
