I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
