Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
