Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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