i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
