The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
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