gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
