ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
