please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You need Xanax blowdarts
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Randomize
