i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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