Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
