am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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