my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
my shit smells like andre
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Randomize
