I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
