So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
