Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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