I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
