I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
