Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
