i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
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