If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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