She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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