I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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