Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
