You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
drinking out of a sandbucket again
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Come on in and take your pants off
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