I think I am morally bankrupt
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
