ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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