chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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