Its about making memories worth repressing
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
