You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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