yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
