Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
