I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
