hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
