I wish I could punch you in the face.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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